Anchored by What Matters: Understanding Values in Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)
When life feels overwhelming, stressful, or directionless, many people focus on trying to eliminate discomfort—pushing away anxiety, fighting negative thoughts, or waiting to feel motivated. But in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we anchor ourselves differently. Instead of fighting internal experiences, ACT guides you toward living a life driven by what truly matters: your values.
Values aren’t abstract ideals. They’re daily choices, directions to move in, and qualities you want to embody, especially when life gets messy. They create meaning, guide decisions, and support a flexible, stable sense of self.
What Are Values in ACT?
In ACT, values are personally chosen qualities of action, how you want to show up in the world, regardless of circumstances or feelings.
Values are:
Ongoing directions (e.g., show up with patience)
Qualities of being and doing (e.g., courage, integrity, curiosity)
Chosen freely—not imposed
Expressions of the person you want to be
Values are lived, not completed.
Not values:
"Shoulds"
Rules
Feelings
Personality traits
Other people’s expectations
A way to avoid discomfort
Values reflect identity-in-action.
Why Values Matter - Especially When You're Struggling
When people feel stuck—procrastinating, overwhelmed, self-critical, avoidant—values act as a compass. They give meaning to movement and clarity to decisions.
Values help you:
Navigate stress with purpose
Build motivation that comes from meaning, not pressure
Interrupt avoidance-driven patterns
Soften perfectionism
Strengthen boundaries
Develop psychological flexibility
Foster resilience during discomfort
ACT asks:
What small step could I take right now that moves me toward who I want to be?
The Neuropsychology of Values-Driven Behaviour
Understanding the brain helps normalize why values work is challenging:
1. The brain is wired for avoidance.
Threat-centred circuits (amygdala, limbic system) are designed to pull you away from uncertainty, discomfort, or perceived danger—even when the "danger" is just a difficult conversation or vulnerable action.
2. Values-based action activates reward pathways.
When your behaviour aligns with your values—even when uncomfortable—your brain engages the dopamine-based motivation system. This creates a reinforcing sense of meaning and energy.
3. Psychological flexibility strengthens prefrontal functioning.
Choosing values over avoidance builds the neural capacity for emotional regulation, perspective-taking, and long-term decision-making.
Values work is not about feeling good—it's about using your brain's reward systems to build a meaningful life.
Values vs Goals
A core ACT distinction:
Value: Being a supportive friend
Goal: Check in with a friend tonight
Value: Vitality
Goal: Walk for 20 minutes today
Values are directions; goals are steps on the path.
Common Misconceptions About Values
Many people initially misunderstand values. Some common myths:
“Values equal goals.”
No—values guide goals.“Values should feel motivating.”
Not always. Values often require moving toward discomfort.“Values never change.”
They evolve as life changes.“Living by my values means ignoring my limits.”
No—values-directed action is flexible, not rigid.“Values must feel ‘authentic’ every moment.”
Not true; many values-based actions feel vulnerable, hard, or boring.
Values Conflicts: When Two Important Things Collide
It’s common to feel torn between two meaningful values, such as:
Achievement vs Rest
Connection vs Boundaries
Courage vs Safety
Independence vs Support
ACT teaches that conflict signals choice.
The ACT Choice Point: Toward Moves vs Away Moves
A simple way to understand behaviour:
Toward moves: actions guided by values
Away moves: avoidance-based actions (e.g., procrastination, withdrawing, numbing, perfectionism, overthinking)
You don’t need to eliminate away moves. You just need the awareness and the willingness to choose a toward move when it matters.
Life Domains: Where Values Live
Values often become clearer when you explore different areas of life:
Relationships
Work/Study
Health & Wellbeing
Family/Parenting
Spirituality
Leisure
Community
Personal Growth
Creativity
Some domains may feel developed; others neglected. This gives direction to committed action.
Values and Boundaries: Protecting What Matters
Boundaries become less about confrontation and more about honouring values.
Examples:
“I’m saying no because I value rest.”
“I’m stepping back because I value my integrity.”
“I’m setting this limit because I value connection, not resentment.”
Values make boundaries feel purposeful rather than guilt-inducing.
Values, Self-Criticism & Perfectionism
People often confuse values with self-critical rules.
Values = flexible, compassionate directions.
Perfectionism = rigid standards tied to self-worth.
ACT uses mindfulness and defusion to help you:
Notice the inner critic
Distinguish values from shame-driven demands
Choose behaviours based on meaning, not fear
Values help you act with self-kindness, not pressure.
Values and Procrastination / Avoidance
Values work is one of the most effective interventions for chronic avoidance.
Because procrastination is rarely about time—it’s about:
Fear
Perfectionism
Internal pressure
Shame
Uncertainty
When behaviour connects to values:
The brain shifts out of threat mode
Tasks regain meaning
You no longer wait for motivation
Small actions feel worthwhile
ACT reframes tasks from “I must” to “I choose this because it matters.”
Micro-Interventions for Staying Connected to Values
These quick skills help you reconnect when you're drifting:
One-breath mindfulness
Pause. Inhale. Exhale. Notice your body. Reorient to your value.
Name the value behind the discomfort
“This anxiety is here because connection matters to me.”
10-second defusion
“I’m having the thought that I’ll fail.”
Willingness check-in
“What discomfort am I willing to carry to move toward what matters?”
These build moment-to-moment flexibility.
Cultural & Family Influences on Values
Values don’t form in isolation.
They are shaped by:
family messages
cultural norms
socioeconomic factors
gendered expectations
survival patterns
trauma histories
Part of therapy is disentangling:
internalised “shoulds”
inherited expectations
genuine, personally chosen values
This process is clarifying and often liberating.
When Values Become Overcontrolled
Sometimes values get rigid, such as:
Overworking due to valuing achievement
Restrictive eating tied to valuing health
People-pleasing tied to valuing connection
ACT helps you notice when a value-driven behaviour is becoming inflexible and gently redirect toward balance.
A Values Exercise: A Short Reflection
Try asking yourself:
What do I want my life to stand for?
What qualities do I want to bring into my relationships?
When I look back from old age, what will I be proud of?
What small behaviours today would move me closer to that?
What discomfort shows up when I pursue what matters?
Values work is both grounding and emotionally evocative—it often brings up grief, hope, tenderness, or regret. This is a normal part of the process.
How Values Fit Into Therapy at Be Anchored Psychology
Values work is woven throughout ACT, CBT, Schema therapy, and mindfulness-based approaches.
We use values to:
orient treatment early on
guide exposure or behavioural activation
help navigate stuck points
anchor goal-setting
support relapse prevention
strengthen psychological flexibility
re-evaluate life direction during transitions
Values are the foundation that everything in therapy stands on.
Final Reflection
You don’t need to feel motivated, confident, or calm to begin living in line with your values. You only need to take a small step in the direction of the person you want to be.
This is the heart of ACT:
Living a life guided by what matters, not controlled by what hurts.
Ready to Live More Aligned With Your Values?
If you’d like support clarifying your values, navigating avoidance, or building psychological flexibility, our clinicians at Be Anchored Psychology can help.
We offer evidence-based ACT, CBT, Schema Therapy, and mindfulness-based interventions tailored to your needs.
Contact Be Anchored Psychology to book an appointment or learn more.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Let’s work together to anchor your life in what truly matters.